Rest In Peace Benjamin

Dear Benjamin,

Forgive me, as this is going to be jumbled.  I can’t quite figure out the words that I want to say.  No, scratch that.  There are so many words that I want to say.  But none of them will bring you back.  None of them will truly portray the hurt so many of us are feeling right now.  Several days ago, we had a family asking about you!  When we couldn’t find your file on the shared list, my immediate thought was, “He’s matched!!”  We checked in to locate your file, in case you weren’t matched, and we’d be able to talk with this interested family more about you.  We’d be able to share with them how incredibly remarkable you are!  Then we got the news.  “His file is gone because he passed away.”  No.  NO.  This can’t be.  Just… No.

There’s so much I could say to you Benjamin.  The I’m Sorrys.  The We Failed Yous.  The I Wish I Could Turn Back Times.  But none of these words seem to suffice.  None of them do justice to you.

So, instead of a tirade on how unfair this is.  On how we wanted so much for you.  On how hopeful we were that your family would be found in time.  Instead, today, I just leave you with a smile.  On this #WorldAdoptionDay, the smile on my hand is for you Benjamin.  And for all the orphans in the world who never got to know the love of a family.  Because when I think of you, Benjamin, I will choose to smile.  May you rest in peace sweet boy, and please know you will never be forgotten.

Love,

Sarah, and your friends at Madison Adoption Associates